Friday, April 04, 2008
CONFESSIONS
Tonight we inadvertently started sleep training Willow by letting her cry herself to sleep.
This morning I was so sick that Paco had to come home from work to help out (hooray for my hero Paco and afternoon naps). Tonight we had our usual bedtime routine. Changing clothes and diaper, a bottle, stories, nursing, then sleep. We usually nurse for a long time, truth told. I take her off the latch when she is nearly asleep, then let her fall asleep on her own...But really, she is so asleep she does not notice she is no longer feeding. Yes, I trick my child. I’ve been trying to gradually get her used to not falling asleep while feeding. Sometimes it seems to work, other times she freaks out and wakes up. Then we start all over again.
Tonight we nursed for a while then she started to want to play. Being at a loss as to how to proceed, I put her in her little crib at the end of our bed and left the room to see if she would settle down on her own.
She started to cry. Paco encouraged waiting to see if she fell asleep on her own instead of going to her. He has been campaigning for trying new methods in getting Willow to sleep for months, I thought it was time to be fair and give this a shot. She is five months old now after all. I also knew that no matter what we did, I wouldn't be enjoying myself this evening… Too tired, too sick.
I've been against sleep training. Hearing my child cry and cry when I know I can stop it is a hell I can live without. Being one of those strange people that have memories from the crib, I have never wanted Willow to cry without comfort. I remember crying and crying and no one coming and the defeated feeling of giving up (it was the 70’s, letting your kids cry it out was a popular parenting method).
I read a bunch of books about sleep training hoping to find a method that would work effectively but not involve my child bawling and bawling and us all feeling terrible. I didn't like any of them in the end. They all seemed complicated in method. Some were very pompous. Even the gentle method book left me sad since Willow is not responding to the cues.
When I look at the larger issue, it sucks that I am the only one who can get Willow to sleep at night. There is a side of me that staunchly refuses to buy into the idea that having children should be convenient and all about me. Why did I have a kid if I refuse to let her go at her own pace? It isn’t so much to me to sacrifice for my child. Still, there is a point where you wonder about the other side of the scale. Am I doing her any good by not teaching her to self-comfort? No.
These are things that go through your head. Tonight was a sacrifice I needed to make to see if it will work for our household. I was tired and sick enough to let go.
What a turn around for me. I shed a few tears in the fifteen minutes it took for her to fall asleep on her own. Paco checked on her every few minutes. I think she may have settled down even sooner had he not gone in to her. I never thought I would say that.
Fifteen minutes, wow. Sometimes it takes three hours for me to get Willow down at night. Sometimes it takes so long that I fall asleep with her. She doesn't nap during the day unless I stay with her or we are out walking. It is time she learned to fall asleep without a breast or a soother nearby.
Sometimes you need to suck it up and try something out. Fifteen minutes versus hours is a real eye-opener, as well as a step for Willow’s growing independence. Who knows, maybe one day she will take a nap by herself.
We'll see how this goes, but what a big step. I need a glass of wine.
Tonight we inadvertently started sleep training Willow by letting her cry herself to sleep.
This morning I was so sick that Paco had to come home from work to help out (hooray for my hero Paco and afternoon naps). Tonight we had our usual bedtime routine. Changing clothes and diaper, a bottle, stories, nursing, then sleep. We usually nurse for a long time, truth told. I take her off the latch when she is nearly asleep, then let her fall asleep on her own...But really, she is so asleep she does not notice she is no longer feeding. Yes, I trick my child. I’ve been trying to gradually get her used to not falling asleep while feeding. Sometimes it seems to work, other times she freaks out and wakes up. Then we start all over again.
Tonight we nursed for a while then she started to want to play. Being at a loss as to how to proceed, I put her in her little crib at the end of our bed and left the room to see if she would settle down on her own.
She started to cry. Paco encouraged waiting to see if she fell asleep on her own instead of going to her. He has been campaigning for trying new methods in getting Willow to sleep for months, I thought it was time to be fair and give this a shot. She is five months old now after all. I also knew that no matter what we did, I wouldn't be enjoying myself this evening… Too tired, too sick.
I've been against sleep training. Hearing my child cry and cry when I know I can stop it is a hell I can live without. Being one of those strange people that have memories from the crib, I have never wanted Willow to cry without comfort. I remember crying and crying and no one coming and the defeated feeling of giving up (it was the 70’s, letting your kids cry it out was a popular parenting method).
I read a bunch of books about sleep training hoping to find a method that would work effectively but not involve my child bawling and bawling and us all feeling terrible. I didn't like any of them in the end. They all seemed complicated in method. Some were very pompous. Even the gentle method book left me sad since Willow is not responding to the cues.
When I look at the larger issue, it sucks that I am the only one who can get Willow to sleep at night. There is a side of me that staunchly refuses to buy into the idea that having children should be convenient and all about me. Why did I have a kid if I refuse to let her go at her own pace? It isn’t so much to me to sacrifice for my child. Still, there is a point where you wonder about the other side of the scale. Am I doing her any good by not teaching her to self-comfort? No.
These are things that go through your head. Tonight was a sacrifice I needed to make to see if it will work for our household. I was tired and sick enough to let go.
What a turn around for me. I shed a few tears in the fifteen minutes it took for her to fall asleep on her own. Paco checked on her every few minutes. I think she may have settled down even sooner had he not gone in to her. I never thought I would say that.
Fifteen minutes, wow. Sometimes it takes three hours for me to get Willow down at night. Sometimes it takes so long that I fall asleep with her. She doesn't nap during the day unless I stay with her or we are out walking. It is time she learned to fall asleep without a breast or a soother nearby.
Sometimes you need to suck it up and try something out. Fifteen minutes versus hours is a real eye-opener, as well as a step for Willow’s growing independence. Who knows, maybe one day she will take a nap by herself.
We'll see how this goes, but what a big step. I need a glass of wine.
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