DRYAD

I love to dress up for Hallowe'en or Samhain, whatever. I love to play dress up. For the festivities this year I will be a dryad. The most exciting part of the costume for me is actually fitting into the dress I wore to a prom in grade ten. I'm so excited about this vanity that I am almost ashamed of myself. Almost.

MISS HAIR

I wore my hair short for a few years. It has been my response to trauma three times now.

1) Farrah Fawcett/ pineapplehead hairdo given to my beautiful super long hair summer going into grade nine. Result: Me going home and cutting all of my hair off. Brush cut.
2) Cut off Pochantontas braids one morning, break up with evil hippie boyfriend. Men hit on me. I cut hair off even shorter.
3) Friend dies, hair comes off again.

The other night I realized how much I missed having to pull my hair out after pulling a shirt over my head.

GNOMADS

Friends know or can easily guess my opinion of garden gnomes and their festive qualities, I assure you that I had nothing to do with this interesting case. I have a suitable alibi, I would also never abandon anything on the steps of a church...Perhaps on the altar though...

UNLEASH THE KUNDALINI

Call me facetious. Go ahead.

It seems that a lot of guys dislike Sting after hearing the man can have sex for hours and hours. Sting was highly esteemed, what with being in the film Dune and The Police and all. After all the Tantric Sex rumours regarding the man who sang Roxanne, I seem to hear a lot about him being a wanker. This leads me to believe that all men are very nervous about time as a factor in sex. It seems that Sting is ruining it for men everywhere with this all-night-long stuff. It also leads me to believe that there is a strong unspoken man code. Did Sting break an unspoken man to man rule? Like, "You're cool until I am shamed by tales of your mystical phallus"

LEIGH & CUMMING

For those of us who love the craft of acting, or maybe just like seeing something a little different now and again, The Anniversary Party is a tasty treat. Let me list some of the cast for you: Alan Cumming, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Parker Posey, Phoebe Cates, Kevin Kline, Jane Adams, John C. Reilly, Jennifer Beals, Gwyneth Paltrow. Unless Robert Altman is involved or a big money, bad ending, explosion-filled or romantically saccharine nightmare is the end product, such a talented cast is rarely seen together. Do I sound prejudiced against mainstream movies? Nah.

The film is full of little treasures. Phoebe Cates is more than beautiful - she gets to be interesting too (it's been a long time since Princess Caribou). Jennifer Beals showcases her real-life photography. Parker Posey isn't another one of her hilarious caricatures (comes close though). Jane Adams made me want to shake some reality into her neurotic little bones. I have long been a fan of Jennifer Jason Leigh, knowing how involved she was in the film further proves her passion as actress.

The movie is not for everyone, no. Cummings and Leigh wrote and directed and starred in this film. Do we trash them for being narcissistic or thank them for attempting to be human? I say they should make another.

ROBIN REDUX

Not to be confusded with a John Updike (ew) protagonist...
Er...Robin Ward is blogging again. Yay.

STUCK IN BED

Oh no. Stuck in at home with a head cold caught from my brother and his family. I suppose my nieces are worth the vise-like pain in my sinus cavity, yeah they are.

I am finally tackling the Gormenghast Trilogy by Mervyn Peake. I have been meaning to read it for a long time, yet have never come across any of the books. At the public library closest to my home (which has an appallingly small sci-fi/fantasy section) on Wednesday the entire trilogy in one vast volume seemed to fall into my hand.

Peake fascinates me. Described as "Dickens on crack" by one source, he was a husband, father, artist, novelist, playwright and poet, who died before his lifeswork was complete.

ROCK OF AGES

A 200 pound runestone which was dismissed as spurious in 1898 when discovered by a Swedish immigrant to Minnesota is being re-investigated by experts. If found to be authentic, the runestone could prove that yet another wave of explorers beat Columbus to America.

What I found most interesting was that after the stone was originally declared a fake, it was returned to the farmer who then used the inscribed rock as a doorstep.

Link Via Mirabilis

IT SCARES ME

Is the Pottery Barn a homeware version of The Gap?

It scares me.

CRAZY

PACO ( Christian Bale) ran 13 MILES last Sunday at the Toronto Marathon. Not one monster chasing him. Congratulations to Paco, sorry about the bum knee. The insane man ran through the pain in his knee until he realized that he may need that very same knee for after race use too.

I found Paco wrapped in a blanket, teeth chattering. He was stuffing a power bar into his mouth with one hand and ripping into a banana with the other. He was shivering and limping. His eyes were not focusing correctly. I don't remember the last time I've been so jealous, or proud.

PASTICHE

On loving Zadie Smith.

I was already digging the book. But I savoured The Autograph Man after Smith transformed that line from Ginsberg's famous HOWL ( I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked)...She changed it though....She ended it with something I presume to be her own, or something I think I may have said at four thirty am after to many sips of cinnamon tasting fireball hooch in the cab on the way home.

"I saw the best minds of my generation
Accept jobs on the fringes of the entertainment industry"

Croeso!


A lovely site about Welsh things! Yay.

Sheela, my druid ancestors and freaky stones, the dog faced mermaid girl, and sweet, sweet love.

(From Mirabilis)

WHY KIDS RULE

KT: Knock Knock
Me: Who's There?
KT: Door!
Me: Door Who?
KT: A door who can talk!

See KT laughing and laughing at how funny that is, see her Auntie laugh harder than expected.

I AM A DJ

David Bowie's 'experimental' Lodger is one of my favourite albums. Top ten. At least top ten.

BUMMER

Robin Ward is calling it quits on blogging. What a drag.

Robin lives down the street from me. We often rode the same bus in the mornings, I never said hi (I didn't know if was him for sure). Robin is also my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend's husband's brother, which is fun to say but unusual when trying to make new friends. One does not want to come across as a stalker.

We figured out that we knew each other from the bus by email one day. Later we chatted on the bus, both doing pretty well at conversation, although it was the morning.

Through his blog Robin shared with his readers part of his now finished novel, he recounted nights on the town, he also wrote about technical stuff that I never understood. Robin was also rather skilled at lambasting those who left daft remarks in his comments section. I will miss rooting for Robin. I'll miss wondering if he has made any more interesting societal observations, big discoveries or technological breakthroughs. I guess I'll just have to buy the book.

FAMILY TIME

This weekend one of my favourite cousins (ok, they're all favourites) is getting married. I am looking forward to the wedding as well as seeing my family who rarely get together.

What's a family occassion without a little grilling? A lovely source of joy in this weekend will be watching my family question Christian Bale on when he is going to marry me. He handles it very well. I get a tiny sadistic thrill anticipating Christian Bale's always funny repsonses. He makes them laugh even if he won't pony up to the altar and marry the only girl in the family. You can rely on someone saying, "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" Often it's me who says it. We're from Toronto where you don't get married, you just live together. Whacky bohemians.

I HATE BARBIE

I think playing with small fake plastic pretend humans is uber weird. They are hard, synthetic, and smell funny. Barbies and dolls in general have always given me the willies.

As a kid I used to get creeped out by the barbies that I had. One day while I was trying to nap (I was that young) my barbies kept eyeing me. I couldn't stand it. I was very scared. I threw them out the window. After my nap, I got up and went down the street to play as usual. That night as I was about to go to sleep I experienced terror for the first time. Turning over in my bed I glanced over at my closet. Lined up on the top of my toybox were barbie and all her bitchy little friends. They were sitting calmly and glaring their bright pink painted on plastic lipstick grins in my direction. Holy shit, the terror.

I knew even at that young age that adults were useless in these siituations. I grabbed my Curious George doll and my afgan, then ran to the closet door. I-threw-the-afgan-over-the barbies-and-stuffed-them-in-the-bottom-of my-toybox. ASFASTASICOULD. Curious George was probably there just as a heavy, I figure.

I don't touch another barbie until years after I figured out my mom found my barbies in the yard and put them back into my room.

Now I have friends with kids and a niece who LOVE Barbie.

I won't give in and buy them actual Barbies, I just can't do it. There are a few however that are at least less boring than the Barbie fare my generation grew up on. Oh my God. Most are wrong, crazy wrong.

I think I might have smoked a few j's in her van in the early 90's though.

BONES

So the cool chiropractor says, "Oh, you've popped your rib out of joint."

Really? That's been the horrid nasty pain on the left side of my chest for the past month or so? Damn that Adorable Hobbit Doctor for not cluing in. Oh the joy and happiness of diagnosis. I love my new chiropractor. I want to make her cookies.

She's working on the crazy-ass headaches as well. As the doc prepped my back for treatment she said, " Oh. It's like a wall. You're a mess. Your back is as hard as a brick wall."

She attached me to a Dr. Ho 5000 (well, it looked like one) and zapped the hell out my shoulders. They spasmed in their own joyful anarchistic chaos for a long time. Then she gave me a wicked massage and some adjustments.

Before we go any further we get X-rays of my head and neck done as I am the Concussion Queen (I've only had two - if you know someone else who really deserves the title). No, I 've never played hockey.

I love my new Cabbagetown Chiropractic chiropractor.

PONY'S UP TO IT

Things you could do on Thankgiving weekend.

That whole Labatt 50/ pool thing sounds like home to me.

WALLPAPER

Darren is making me laugh again. Yay Darren.

THIS JUST IN

From my brother who has two beautiful daugthers and one beautiful wife.
A conversation between him and my favourite five year old neice.

KT : Oh look. There's a picture of Paco (ahem...Christian Bale).
Dad: Ohhh. You like Paco do you?
KT: Yes.
Dad: Who is Paco?
KT: Paco is my big friend.
Dad: I see.
KT: He lives with my auntie.
Dad: You like your auntie huh?
KT: Yes. She brings me cookies what have chocolate in them.
Dad: Is there anything you'd like to say to your auntie?
KT: Yes. I will say to her "Hey, you have nice cookies"

NUM NUMS

When I was a wee git, I'd eat peanut butter and raisins spread on celery.
Reflecting upon that as an adult, I realize it may have been a food crime.

PARANOIA

Blaming my wierdness on a veangeful pixie I jilted 20 years ago is a little silly, even for me. I've had a migraine headache problem over the last month which has rendered me...Useless, listless, a little depressed, more than a little pissed off and slightly paranoid. That's just in bits. Generally, I'm still all roses and sunshine and all that rot.

A Sample Of My Paranoia

ME: I mean really, if it was a brain tumour, I'd have other symptoms right?

Christian Bale: What?

ME: Just say 'right,' dude.

FACE MELTING GOODNESS


Go see School of Rock.


Go, now, run like the wind, go....
Unless you have a problem with fun, then don't go.

UN FAE-TH FUL

My hideously poor grammar, wording, writing... of late has frightened me. It should be frightening you too. I apologize. My head has been hurting a lot. Most of my entries make sense when posted. I reread them to find that a little pixie has warped my good intentions and bungled my writing so that it no longer makes sense. I know exactly which pixie it is too. It's the one I didn't believe in at summer camp in 1980. It was bible camp, they brain-washed me. I told the faerie to bugger off and then apologized to Jesus for saying 'bugger.' Hopefully the pixie will accept my humble apologies and the invitation to spread glittery joy one night soon, and will also stop bungling my grammar for me...

ON THE OTHER HAND

Ryan Reynolds has great delivery, but you would have had to twist my arm off and hand it back to me to get me to see Foolproof.

Foolproof is a Canadian film? Oh, ok, now I want to see it. Mambo Italiano is already on the list.

Did Men With Brooms change the course of Canadian film history? I guess it did.

I wonder what the next decade in Canadian film is going to be like. Let's all be Canadian content sluts so that our films actually get a chance to be made, shall we?

ON THE SPOT

I just wandered into One Word while visiting over at Bree's site. Try One Wording, you may like it.

MISINFORMATION

I was at the lab, finally able to remove the 48 hour heart monitor thingy. I wore an extra layer of clothing so that I would get warm and the burning itchy tape on my chest would come off more easily. I was ready to have this thing off.

The lab technician was bright and sweet.

Technician: "Did you go near a microwave while wearing the holter?"

Me: "PARDON ME?"

Technician" "No one told you not to go near the microwave?"

Technician: "That could have been very bad."

MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?

The This Boy is Toast person has decided to check my blog out for awhile, he liked to Tolkien bit below.

I feel like I should ask him if he wants fries with that post, or toast.

I'm just going to add him to my link section.

OVER KILL BILL

There's a wee debate over at Robin's site regarding an entry on Kill Bill. In the commentary someone linked the Academy Awards, Jews, WWI & WWII, and The Lord of the Rings. Robin gets all kinds of fun (and insane) commentary. Reading what unfolded out of Robin's Kill Bill entry reminded me of a favourite Idiot Wind moment of mine.

In high school, all I really felt I had going for me was the fact that I'd read a gazillion books. Really. I thought I was unattractive ( I was actually pretty cute). I listened to other people's criticism and took it far too seriously (my ego was in the hands of assmonkeys). I was on the lookout for some character played by John Cusack named Gib or Lloyd to love me, (screwing myself romantically at every turn). My friends weren't very good friends ( I let them be my friends). Most of the other girls were pretty and girly I wasn't (I was the funny one who was socially guileless). I had books going for me. A girl's got to have something, right?

One day in class this really nice, shy, geeky but cute (not that any girl likely went near the poor bugger) guy was doing an oral report on his major essay for the year. It was on the theme of pollution in Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy. His proposition was that Tolkien's novels made a statement on the evolution of pollution in the twentieth century. I was indignant. The creation of Middle Earth was so much more than an environmental crusade! I blurted something out along the lines of, "That's So Not True!" I would so like to see the look of horror on my little grade ten face. In my tiny lonesome well-read world, there was no room for such blasphemy.

My teacher was shocked at my outburst. You know that you have let down older relatives, teachers and parents, when they speak one word to you in shock - your name. "Joan." His voice was sad with disappointment. I was ashamed. I nearly cried. A really nice, very embarrassed guy was in front of the class. A guy who probably peed his pants from shyness daily just got it from me, of all people. It wasn't right of me. I spoke without thinking. If it had been one the mean kids, I would have lambasted them until the teacher kicked me out of class. Speaking in front of the class was probably one of the hardest things this guy ever had to do and I ruined it for him. I was in a class with older kids, already a social outcast. Oh the shame. I should have been happy that someone else had read Tolkein. This was my domain. I was overcome by passion and hurt someone.

He wasn't a crazy talking bigot though. Sometimes the line between open-mindedness and putting up with codswallop is blurry.

HAVIN A WANK

Hi! I'll have a grande decaf soy latte please.